Fruits of my labour

2019 WOW   here we are.   2018 was a year of hard work emotionally and physically but it is now complete and time to sit back and let it run itself.   The rental property is booking out successfully and the visitors are happy.    My beautiful daughter is studying and working part time in a little restaurant.  She is going from strength to strength here in Spain.    2018 was a challenging year,  my car was stolen and i had to manage my way through the Spanish police system and then the insurance company.   But i have to say i was very impressed by the speed it was all handled.

So here we are in 2019 a rental property which is almost fully booked out for the year ahead and i am back working in IT on a virtual office basis.    Working from home anywhere in the world has got to be the way forward.   No need for holidays, no need for offices, no need for office clothes  (working in my bikini sitting on the balcony)   So all in all I dont have much to report apart from contentment.

 

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Closure

So here we are !  Its April 2018 and we have been in Spain for 18 months,  time is flying so fast and things just keep getting better.   I have renovated a house and its now up and running as a business.   There have been tears, stress and laughter along the way but as far as Spanish reforms go this has been a relatively easy one.

The company who measured up to replace the windows and doors cut the glass for my arched window on level two,  three times they cut it wrong and in true spanish logic decided they just werent going to do it again.  That caused a few tempers to be raised and my house to lay without a window for three weeks after completion.   But as spanish refoms go then this was not a big disaster.

My daughter is now studying hard to sit her International GCSE’s just the same as all her little friends back in London.   And she has a lovely group of friends and a nice little part time job as a waitress.   Everyone in spain becomes a waitress at some point in their lives.    She is amazing.     I regularly check in with her to make sure that she is doing OK with our move to Spain and all is good.

Now that i have completed my renovation project its time to find some more mischief and as the sun is starting to shine again after a long winter its nice to kick off the shoes and return to beach yoga.     I now feel fully immersed in my spanish life and find that my days are filled with all the normal things that life brings.  Friends, family and lots of adventures.

 

Dealing with Stress and Staying on Track

Its October 2017 and we have now been in Spain over a year and happy to report that our life here is pretty much settled and opportunities are presenting themselves.

I stumbled upon a house which was for sale in a very beautiful little gated community which is a great opportunity for a rental property.    The reformation is currently underway and this is proving to be a never ending opportunity for the creation of a beautiful property.     I am hoping that this will be an opportunity to work hard and find a little niche for myself to move forward with.

However,   and i hear you all saying,   where’s the stress why are you off track?????

Well!!!  when i moved to Spain I was not in a good place emotionally and since i have been here i have been daily getting stronger and stronger. Things happen in life that are outwith our control and for whatever reason we end up having to be involved, because its family business or unfinished business.    But i have to say the last two months have  been very unpleasant and i have had to be involved in some things that i wanted to close the door on forever.   So where are my Bridget Jones Knickers?   Because i have truly had to put on my big girl pants and fight for my integrity.    I wake up every morning and know that i am here and safe in my amazing apartment facing the ocean because I needed this “cocoon” around me to heal and come back as the beautiful confident butterfly i once was.    Life knocks you down and you have to decide if your truth is worth fighting for.    For many reasons i have always just agreed with people to avoid confrontation but sometimes when the chips are down and you ask the question,  “does this truly go against everything i know to be true to me” then you have to stand up and fight.   I have lost a friendship that was probably one of the most important friendships i have ever had, but i learned a big lesson.    So i am back on track,  enjoying my cocoon and loving the sunshine.  Working out on the beach and really looking after myself for the first time in forever.    It has truly been a year of clearing out the dead wood in my life.   But my path forward is looking calm and peaceful and for that i give thanks because i am truly blessed.

Adapting to life in Spain

So we are all settled, all the usual,  School, shopping, gym, making friends and generally doing all the things that you do on a day to day basis.

Now one of the things that I would like to share with you is the amazing difference in my Health.   Yes my health.

People say that moving to the sunshine has benefits and I totally agree sunshine is definately a good motivator for exercise, more time spent outdoors and generally eating healthier and drinking more water.

But I want to share a bigger and more important reason why my health changed so dramatically when i arrived in Spain.

When I lived in UK I was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid which meant daily medication for life.   Now for those of you that know anything about it,  I was on a daily dose of Levothyroxine and Levothyronine.  T3 and T4.   I had been on this medication for 15 years and was expecting to be on this for life.

When i arrived in spain i was a pretty healthy bunny and my thyroid medication was pretty stable so i had no need to see a doctor and hadnt considered registering with one.  However,   after spending Christmas in Mauritius I became unwell with what I thought was flu.  Only after three weeks of constant fever I decided that maybe it was time to check it out with a GP.    My flu like symptoms were accompanied by what seemed to be an allergic reaction so the doctors decided injections into my butt were the quickest relief.

Now,  the point i am trying to get at here,   the doctors here left no margin for error and sent me to have a full blood analysis done to make sure there was nothing lurking underneath.   WOW  just WOW !!!!!!!!   It came back,  a whopping four pages of results.

The doctor called and asked to see me.   When I attended she asked about my thyroid.   I hadnt really mentioned it because my medication was stable.   But her immediate response was “STOP THE MEDICATION IMMEDIATELY”  whoa that was not what i was expecting.  After 15 years of medication I panicked, thinking that i would be become unwell without my medication.   But the doctor sent me for an ultra sound scan on my thryoid gland and that confirmed what she suspected.   After having been on medication for 15 years my thyroid was shrinking to a point where it was not functioning at all.   She explained that she suspected I had been misdiagnosed 15 years before and the medication was damaging me.   So,   slightly apprehensive but willing to try anything I stopped my medication and had further blood tests 1,2 and 3 months later and SURPRISE.   My thyroid has starting working all by itself.  Slowly but surely my body is beginning to function without any medication at all.   I am now six months down the track and could not feel any happier.   My hormones are now completely balanced, my thyroid is within range and my allergies are all under control.    THIS WAS ONE BONUS I DID NOT EXPECT WHEN I MADE THE DECISION TO MOVE TO SPAIN.

 

Next Chapter of my life

So I do it!   I take the step again and I relocate to another country, we have accomodation set up and a hire car.    I am under no illusion that the next few weeks/months will be difficult but somehow when we arrive there is a feeling of “everything is gonna be OK”.

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We are met with a spectacular array of all the beautiful colours of Spanish trees and plants,   its September 18th 2016 and in two days time i will wake up in a different country, a different bed and it will be my 50th Birthday.

My 50th birthday present to myself was a new chapter in my book called life.

This weeks challenge was to find a school for my child who is going into Year 10 which is her GCSE year so this has got to be correct.    No if’s or but’s this has to be correct.  Having not returned to school in England for the beginning of term I have Mummy guilt all over me, but when I arrive I realise the children only returned to school this week and all of a sudden it doesn’t feel quite such an urgent task.  We happily set about attending  interviews  for all the schools which we had checked out online and on the second interview we are welcomed with what feels like a family rather than a high school.  She is whisked off to have a trial day and thats it.  Decision made !!!  She has 15 pupils in her entire year group and the school has children from age 2 to 18 so she is surrounded by lots different nationalities of all ages.

So the pattern of life begins,  we need to establish a routine, make new friends and find our path in this new town.   The town we have chosen to live is in the very far south of spain and we can see Africa on a clear day.    The climate here is hot but we have a lovely balance of still having seasons.

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There is an overwhelming risk of feeling like you are on holiday all the time, but thats not how i planned our move.    I want to establish a life, a future and a career.

With a few short trips back to England and the arrival of a beautiful granddaughter.  My life already has new meaning, new purpose and daily happiness when i wake up to my view from my bed of the sun rising over the ocean.   Coffee time in the morning is where i do my thinking.  This is where my heart is going to heal.   This is where I sit back and allow the healing to begin.

coffee time

 

 

 

 

 

 

That WOW moment

Hi

My name is Gilly and i am 51 years young.    Blogging ???   What is it, why do all the young ones do it ?   Well as a mother of a 15 year old I am informed it is a way of sharing.

When i sit down and reflect on my life……   i think there may be a few lessons that i wish to share and hopefully maybe some lady or gent out there may benefit from reading about my experiences.

You See !!!!!   By the ripe young age of 51 I find myself Divorced , Widowed and Annulled.  A few more husbands and i will be giving Elizabeth Taylor  serious competition.

I  thought i would share some of my experiences to give hope to ladies or gents who are going through the heartache of divorce,  the heartbreak of their partners death or the embarrasment of having to annull the marriage they thought was forever.

Divorce

My story begins when i was 18 years old working in an office thinking i knew everything and thinking i was so grown up.   I found myself pregnant and we dutifully went into marriage as it was the respectable thing to do in the eighties.     I went on to have a beautiful baby girl and settled into being a mum.   Returning to work and managing parenthood.  However,   there was no relationship and we soon began to go our seperate ways,   Affairs, arguments, tempers and no understanding of what a relationship should be.   But through fear of letting our families down we tolerated each other and went through the motions of pretending to be a family,  we went on have another child and managed to suffer 12 years of marriage before I could not live with the pretence any more.

I  had managed to carve out a career for myself during those twelve years and i was offered a job 400 miles away which would be my escape to a new life and a career which would provide enough money for me to take care of my two children.   So off we trotted 400 miles to a strange town in a strange area and a whole new opportunity for friends to be made.    I quickly settled in to my new job with the help of an au pair to help out with childcare.    Very quickly i made friends and adjusted to life in a new country.   Children settled in school,   not without teething troubles,  but settled and we got our heads down and made the most of life.

Widowed

Then i met the man who was to become husband number two,   we met at work and he was a mischievous character whom i fell in love with.   Now the ripe old age of 31 i finally realised what love was all about and gave this man my heart.    We had 12 years together and were blessed with a beautiful baby girl.    Unfortunately on his 40th birthday he was diagnosed with cancer and the next two years were spent caring for him till he eventually died when i was 42.     So i was 42 years old and now found myself a widow with three children and a heart that just would not accept that my husband died in my arms.     Instead of allowing myself to grieve i poured  all my energies into my children and put a great big cage around my heart.    The children became my world and although  i appeared fine on the outside,   inside i was just not willing to accept that he was gone.   The pain did not subside, every waking morning was met with the feeling in the pit of my stomach but i went through the motions and got through each day.   I refused to move from the family home and still kept all the wedding pictures throughout the house.  I kept telling myself i had to keep things as normal as possible for our youngest child who was only 6 when her father died.    But i know now i was just in denial and not ready to accept.  So for six years i did not date, i had no desire to enter into another relationship and threw myself into starting my own business.   Which was to be the catalyst for the next heartbreak

Annulled

In 2014 whilst promoting my business in Dominican Republic,  i was introduced to a man who was younger than me,   not a big age gap but enough to say that we were at different stages of our lives.     He had never been married but he had a grown up daughter from a relationship he had when he was 20,   she was 17 and a pretty little girl.    Despite never wanting any other man after the death of my husband i soon found that this man opened up all the barriers i had put in place and was stomping all over my heart with every word he spoke, every breathe he took and every look he gave me. I was hooked.    I had fallen HOOK, LINE AND SINKER for this man.  Despite the fact that he lived in Dominican Republic and i lived in England.  I niavely believed that i had been lucky enough to find true love again at the age of 48.    I travelled to his country every two months and we got engaged within a few months of meeting,   he managed to convince me that his love for me was genuine and we had a future together.    He lived in a hut with his father, daughter and two nephews.    He had no running water and showers were taken using a big barrel of water and a jug.   His life could not have been further from my four bedroom home in royal county of england.  We were complete opposites.

Love is blind and comes with rose tinted glasses and all i could see was a man who needed an opportunity to get out of the poverty that was his life.    But of course the reality was HE could only see my bank account and my very vulnerable heart.   Soon i was sending money to support him, his “sick father” and any other crisis that happened on a weekly basis.    Despite my doubts i plundered into getting him a visa to come to England to be married.     We married a year after we met and all seemed to be fine right up until the day I married him.     As soon as he had the marriage certificate he turned into an arrogant, lying, immature little boy who spent all his time on Whattsapp messaging his “cousins”.   So after a few weeks of this i decided maybe he was homesick and should return for a visit to his family home.    Without a single word he walked out of our lives at the airport and blocked my number on his telephone and changed his facebook status back to single.    Not a word, not a discussion.    Just I AM SINGLE.

Later i was to discover from his facebook that his mistress had a baby within two months of his return to his country.      He had been having relations with a girl 18 years younger than him and she was pregnant when he left Dominican Republic.  Knowing full well he was coming to marry a rich english lady, she had planned it all.

Within two weeks of his child being born he had got another little girl pregnant,  this one was a member of his own family and  the same age as his daughter.   They grew up together like sisters.   So now he had a girl who was half his age pregnant and a newborn baby.

But oh no !!!!!!!!!

He did not stop to think about what he was doing he decided to get the first girl pregnant again.   So now he had two little girls pregnant and a newborn baby.        This man is 40 years old he was not a child.    OMG how wrong could i have been.   So the process of annullment began.

SHOCK

At this point in my life i have to say i was having trouble processing what had just happened to me,   how did i get it so wrong?    My close friends were the only ones i could confess the whole sorry story to and they literally kept me sane within those first few months.       However i tried i just could not get my head round it.   Off i trotted for counselling and all that would come out was the grief i had buried deep for my husband who had died.    With the advise of the counsellors i prepared to sell my family home with a view to moving on with my life.

 

THAT WOW MOMENT   !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whilst sorting through a lifetime of memories and preparing to move i realised that moving within this town was not the answer.   If i was going to move it was going to be a BIG move a life changing move.   And that is exactly what i did.  I researched i visited and i moved my life to SPAIN.   i now live in an ocean front apartment and have carved a life for myself buying, renovating and renting holiday homes.     This is the view from my terrace, this is where i have chosen to heal myself and so far it is working.     Check back soon and i will update you with more about my healing journey.

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