My name is Gilly and i am 51 years young. Blogging ??? What is it, why do all the young ones do it ? Well as a mother of a 15 year old I am informed it is a way of sharing.
When i sit down and reflect on my life…… i think there may be a few lessons that i wish to share and hopefully maybe some lady or gent out there may benefit from reading about my experiences.
You See !!!!! By the ripe young age of 51 I find myself Divorced , Widowed and Annulled. A few more husbands and i will be giving Elizabeth Taylor serious competition.
I thought i would share some of my experiences to give hope to ladies or gents who are going through the heartache of divorce, the heartbreak of their partners death or the embarrasment of having to annull the marriage they thought was forever.
My story begins when i was 18 years old working in an office thinking i knew everything and thinking i was so grown up. I found myself pregnant and we dutifully went into marriage as it was the respectable thing to do in the eighties. I went on to have a beautiful baby girl and settled into being a mum. Returning to work and managing parenthood. However, there was no relationship and we soon began to go our seperate ways, Affairs, arguments, tempers and no understanding of what a relationship should be. But through fear of letting our families down we tolerated each other and went through the motions of pretending to be a family, we went on have another child and managed to suffer 12 years of marriage before I could not live with the pretence any more.
I had managed to carve out a career for myself during those twelve years and i was offered a job 400 miles away which would be my escape to a new life and a career which would provide enough money for me to take care of my two children. So off we trotted 400 miles to a strange town in a strange area and a whole new opportunity for friends to be made. I quickly settled in to my new job with the help of an au pair to help out with childcare. Very quickly i made friends and adjusted to life in a new country. Children settled in school, not without teething troubles, but settled and we got our heads down and made the most of life.
Then i met the man who was to become husband number two, we met at work and he was a mischievous character whom i fell in love with. Now the ripe old age of 31 i finally realised what love was all about and gave this man my heart. We had 12 years together and were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. Unfortunately on his 40th birthday he was diagnosed with cancer and the next two years were spent caring for him till he eventually died when i was 42. So i was 42 years old and now found myself a widow with three children and a heart that just would not accept that my husband died in my arms. Instead of allowing myself to grieve i poured all my energies into my children and put a great big cage around my heart. The children became my world and although i appeared fine on the outside, inside i was just not willing to accept that he was gone. The pain did not subside, every waking morning was met with the feeling in the pit of my stomach but i went through the motions and got through each day. I refused to move from the family home and still kept all the wedding pictures throughout the house. I kept telling myself i had to keep things as normal as possible for our youngest child who was only 6 when her father died. But i know now i was just in denial and not ready to accept. So for six years i did not date, i had no desire to enter into another relationship and threw myself into starting my own business. Which was to be the catalyst for the next heartbreak
In 2014 whilst promoting my business in Dominican Republic, i was introduced to a man who was younger than me, not a big age gap but enough to say that we were at different stages of our lives. He had never been married but he had a grown up daughter from a relationship he had when he was 20, she was 17 and a pretty little girl. Despite never wanting any other man after the death of my husband i soon found that this man opened up all the barriers i had put in place and was stomping all over my heart with every word he spoke, every breathe he took and every look he gave me. I was hooked. I had fallen HOOK, LINE AND SINKER for this man. Despite the fact that he lived in Dominican Republic and i lived in England. I niavely believed that i had been lucky enough to find true love again at the age of 48. I travelled to his country every two months and we got engaged within a few months of meeting, he managed to convince me that his love for me was genuine and we had a future together. He lived in a hut with his father, daughter and two nephews. He had no running water and showers were taken using a big barrel of water and a jug. His life could not have been further from my four bedroom home in royal county of england. We were complete opposites.
Love is blind and comes with rose tinted glasses and all i could see was a man who needed an opportunity to get out of the poverty that was his life. But of course the reality was HE could only see my bank account and my very vulnerable heart. Soon i was sending money to support him, his “sick father” and any other crisis that happened on a weekly basis. Despite my doubts i plundered into getting him a visa to come to England to be married. We married a year after we met and all seemed to be fine right up until the day I married him. As soon as he had the marriage certificate he turned into an arrogant, lying, immature little boy who spent all his time on Whattsapp messaging his “cousins”. So after a few weeks of this i decided maybe he was homesick and should return for a visit to his family home. Without a single word he walked out of our lives at the airport and blocked my number on his telephone and changed his facebook status back to single. Not a word, not a discussion. Just I AM SINGLE.
Later i was to discover from his facebook that his mistress had a baby within two months of his return to his country. He had been having relations with a girl 18 years younger than him and she was pregnant when he left Dominican Republic. Knowing full well he was coming to marry a rich english lady, she had planned it all.
Within two weeks of his child being born he had got another little girl pregnant, this one was a member of his own family and the same age as his daughter. They grew up together like sisters. So now he had a girl who was half his age pregnant and a newborn baby.
But oh no !!!!!!!!!
He did not stop to think about what he was doing he decided to get the first girl pregnant again. So now he had two little girls pregnant and a newborn baby. This man is 40 years old he was not a child. OMG how wrong could i have been. So the process of annullment began.
At this point in my life i have to say i was having trouble processing what had just happened to me, how did i get it so wrong? My close friends were the only ones i could confess the whole sorry story to and they literally kept me sane within those first few months. However i tried i just could not get my head round it. Off i trotted for counselling and all that would come out was the grief i had buried deep for my husband who had died. With the advise of the counsellors i prepared to sell my family home with a view to moving on with my life.
THAT WOW MOMENT !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whilst sorting through a lifetime of memories and preparing to move i realised that moving within this town was not the answer. If i was going to move it was going to be a BIG move a life changing move. And that is exactly what i did. I researched i visited and i moved my life to SPAIN. i now live in an ocean front apartment and have carved a life for myself buying, renovating and renting holiday homes. This is the view from my terrace, this is where i have chosen to heal myself and so far it is working. Check back soon and i will update you with more about my healing journey.